There’s something that has recently started bothering me: When one so eloquently says “I have to take a crap.“, they aren’t taking anything. It’s actually quite the opposite; they are giving something. Even if one were to treat “crap” as a verb rather than a noun (such the dual syntax of “run”), it would be […]

To say that I have the attention span of a puppy would be giving me too much credit. It’s this fact that steers me clear of concerts, because I can’t stand there without actively doing something else.
Since I started carrying a camera with me everywhere, it’s allowed me to quietly amuse myself in […]

During the meeting, I was thinking of Matthew Perry’s impression of Michael Keaton on SNL’s Celebrity Jeopardy.
I need to stop drawing in meetings.

This is a picture of two duck butts. One of the butts belongs to a girl duck. The other butt belongs to a boy duck. These duck butts are in the Capitol Building Reflecting Pool.

So I made a picture of Wolverine from X-Men.
Yeah, I’m a huge nerd.

A month or so ago, my dad and I were walking down an old English country road, talking about nonsensicals. Somehow, we got on the topic of reptiles, at which point we meshed together a rather crude joke. Without further adieu, I present you with the only joke I have ever come up:
Q: What do […]

Sometimes, the moments when you really appreciate humanity come unexpectedly. Take, for example, this cell phone text conversation that took place at 1 a.m. last night…
Text [Unknown Number]: Hey who is this?
Me: Garrett
Text: Oh well this is your neighbor Sarah*. you smoke right?
Me: Not so much as of late
Sarah: Alright well do you have a […]

I came into work today to find my office littered with animal crackers - dotting the walls and grazing on my keyboard, courtesy of the other graphics folks. After a nibble proved that they weren’t stale, I began to work my way around, devouring the creatures one by one. After the massacre, I realized […]

Adam and I were chatting the other night (as friends tend to do) and our conversation took a turn for the worse (as our talks tend to do).
A: Man, is there really anything you can’t find on the internet?
G: Dude, it’s full of so many amazing things. You know, if I could have sex with […]