The Pope is visiting Washington this week, which apparently is a pretty big deal. The only thing I’m really concerned about is people taking up space on my Metro car. Browsing through the news today, however, I came across a photo of good ol’ Benedict traveling down Pennsylvania Ave in his patented car. Needless to say, I saw room for improvement.

Original: AP Photo/Gerald Herbert, Much Improved Version: Awesome Dude/Garrett Miller

1. Water bottle: It’s got to get pretty hot in that bullet-proof box of bliss, so I suggest a prominent source of water. It’s hip, and will last for hours as he slowly, slowly makes his way past the throngs of admirers.
2. Velvet couch: Popin’ ain’t easy, so you gots to roll in style.
3. Tinted windows: Eyes up here, folks, not on the boys in the front! Gotta keep the mystery fresh.
4. Flames: Remind your followers of the burning threat that lies in wait for any un-repented sins. Also they look really cool.
5. Rims: See B.
6. Neon light: Make the Popemobile float, just like our man Jesus floated right on over that water.